Macaroni's Monday Musings: Why I Hate Watching Races

I had the opportunity of watching two of my favorite teams run in big cross country races this past week. I got to go and cheer on my high school team, Canon Mac Big Macs, at the WPIAL championships at Cooper’s Lake, and I got to go and cheer on my current college team, Slippery Rock, at the PSAC championships all the way in Kutztown, PA.

At both races, I was running around like a crazy person, yelling my brains out trying give them as much encouragement and help as I could from the sidelines. But I couldn't help but feel so weird after watching both of those races.

Don’t get me wrong, I love going out and supporting my teammates. I love it when they run great races and go out there and conquer the goals and expectations they put on themselves.  

But I hate how I feel during and after watching the races.

As an athlete, I am not partial to being a fan. I want to be out there and involved in the race. I want to be involved in the hugs and high fives after the race. I want to be able to tell stories of my perspective of the race on the van ride home. I want to feel that exhilaration that comes after conquering pain for 26 minutes. There is camaraderie between teammates and competitors after races that is so genuine that you would have never thought they were just trying to kick each other’s butts for the last 26 minutes. It’s a brotherhood because it was a group that pushed each other to their limits. It’s a sense of gratitude.

And during and after these races, I miss that. Missing those feelings causes me to regret, over-think, and blame myself for how I got that role as a fan to begin with.

And I will nip this in the butt right here, I do not regret what I did this summer. And for people who think I should regret it and think that medals, Nationals, and glory are more important…well, may God have mercy on your soul. I learned more about God, life, relationships and community this summer than any season of my life combined. I met so many amazing people and kids that it blew my mind. I got to see God’s beauty in a place in such a great way. God used this opportunity to teach me so much and use me for the work He is doing. It taught me that life is not running and school, but it is in Christ alone. He planted seeds in me, and maybe I’m still trying to figure out how to make them grow, but if I would have never had that experience at Seneca Hills, they would have never been planted.

I would be a crazy person to regret that. And yeah, running has suffered. I let people down. Could I have done more with running this summer? Maybe…but the more and more I get into training now and looking back, I really believe I could not have done more.  

So I think a mind adjustment is in order. I will still never feel totally content as a fan. And the rest of this season will still be hard because I want to be out there racing with my team.

But I will be content as a supporter, a teammate, a friend, a brother, alum, that crazy guy yelling his brains out and not wearing a shirt on a freezing day.

It is the role God has put me in for this season. No amount of regret or blame will change that. And for now, as I am in the thick of the process of training for the indoor season, I will use that energy God will expose me to as an energy boost to get me through the grind of life and to stay passionate through all situations. He also uses it to make us realize that we cannot take anything for granted. God wants to use every moment of all of our lives to better His kingdom and make Him known, no matter what the role or circumstance. This life is not about us, It is about HIM!

So to summarize…Things don’t always go your way in life. And for that I say, Thank God they don’t!!!!